Keeping up with... myself
When I first started this process of losing weight, I told very few people. I found it embarrassing to talk about, embarrassing to admit that I was sufficiently unhappy with my state of health that I had to acknowledge that it was time to make a change. I was also frankly not sure whether or not it would even work. I honestly believed that weight loss just wouldn't even be possible for me, as though it was a strictly mythical notion.
When I lost the first 10 lbs, I thought, okay fine, that's just water weight, though. That'll be the end of that. Then it got to 20 lbs and I thought, sure, okay, but it's going to stop and I'll just be stuck there forever. But then it was 30 lbs, then 40 lbs. My initial thought was to lose 135 lbs if humanly possible. As of today, I've lost 109 lbs. It's staggering to me. I'm 26 lbs away from my first goal (and then I'll keep going, because I'll still be significantly overweight at that point!).
This has meant a massive change in wardrobe, clearly. I've changed clothing sizes by 4-5 sizes now, which has meant starting to be able to shop in non-plus sized section of stores. This is something that I have never been able to do in my adult life, probably not since the age of 14 or so. A whole world of retail is opening, because in Canada, there are about four stores that I can shop at. Many plus-sized women shop exclusively online because there's just so little. Malls are becoming a whole new experience of possibility. It's literally life-changing.
Another aspect of this, and it's something that I'm enjoying but also hate the reasons behind: I literally feel a significant difference in the amount of respect that other people grant me. There's a deeply-rooted prejudice toward overweight people of being seen as both lazy and stupid. I have four degrees and have in the past been justifiably called a workaholic. I'm neither lazy nor stupid, and I don't have a self-esteem problem: what I've had for most of my life is a lack of esteem from many others. That's beginning to change.
People also love to sabotage people who are actively trying to lose weight, once they become aware of it, whether by scoffing at the particular method chosen, the reasons for it, and by actively trying to dissuade people from doing it. Overweight people get mocked and jeered at while at the gym and many are afraid to try jogging or riding bikes because of the kind of street harassment that goes with that. When I first started this, people often tried to scare me away from both fasting and follow a low carb/high fat eating plan. Now, having lost over 100 lbs, no one tells me that my method isn't going to work. They can see pretty clearly that it does. I've received quiet requests for information both in person, in emails, and in private facebook messages from around 50 people now. I also help moderate a facebook group with almost 40,000 members who are all following the same protocol that I am, and many of them will contact whichever moderator they know best to ask more questions in private, and I'm always, always happy to share info, clarify protocols, and be a supportive presence for other people on the same path.
It takes guts to change your life. And it also takes a lot of mental adjusting. When I catch a glimpse of myself in windows and mirrors, I sometimes don't recognize my own body for a second. It's great, but it can also be disorienting. I'm still playing catch-up, and I will for as long as this process continues, and probably for months afterward, too. But then, we're constantly changing and evolving on the inside, too, so why should the outside be any different?
When I lost the first 10 lbs, I thought, okay fine, that's just water weight, though. That'll be the end of that. Then it got to 20 lbs and I thought, sure, okay, but it's going to stop and I'll just be stuck there forever. But then it was 30 lbs, then 40 lbs. My initial thought was to lose 135 lbs if humanly possible. As of today, I've lost 109 lbs. It's staggering to me. I'm 26 lbs away from my first goal (and then I'll keep going, because I'll still be significantly overweight at that point!).
This has meant a massive change in wardrobe, clearly. I've changed clothing sizes by 4-5 sizes now, which has meant starting to be able to shop in non-plus sized section of stores. This is something that I have never been able to do in my adult life, probably not since the age of 14 or so. A whole world of retail is opening, because in Canada, there are about four stores that I can shop at. Many plus-sized women shop exclusively online because there's just so little. Malls are becoming a whole new experience of possibility. It's literally life-changing.
Another aspect of this, and it's something that I'm enjoying but also hate the reasons behind: I literally feel a significant difference in the amount of respect that other people grant me. There's a deeply-rooted prejudice toward overweight people of being seen as both lazy and stupid. I have four degrees and have in the past been justifiably called a workaholic. I'm neither lazy nor stupid, and I don't have a self-esteem problem: what I've had for most of my life is a lack of esteem from many others. That's beginning to change.
People also love to sabotage people who are actively trying to lose weight, once they become aware of it, whether by scoffing at the particular method chosen, the reasons for it, and by actively trying to dissuade people from doing it. Overweight people get mocked and jeered at while at the gym and many are afraid to try jogging or riding bikes because of the kind of street harassment that goes with that. When I first started this, people often tried to scare me away from both fasting and follow a low carb/high fat eating plan. Now, having lost over 100 lbs, no one tells me that my method isn't going to work. They can see pretty clearly that it does. I've received quiet requests for information both in person, in emails, and in private facebook messages from around 50 people now. I also help moderate a facebook group with almost 40,000 members who are all following the same protocol that I am, and many of them will contact whichever moderator they know best to ask more questions in private, and I'm always, always happy to share info, clarify protocols, and be a supportive presence for other people on the same path.
It takes guts to change your life. And it also takes a lot of mental adjusting. When I catch a glimpse of myself in windows and mirrors, I sometimes don't recognize my own body for a second. It's great, but it can also be disorienting. I'm still playing catch-up, and I will for as long as this process continues, and probably for months afterward, too. But then, we're constantly changing and evolving on the inside, too, so why should the outside be any different?
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